


That's the guilt talking

by lullabelle_moon



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Guilt, Jealousy, M/M, affair reveal, happy ending kind of, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 21:16:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4720739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lullabelle_moon/pseuds/lullabelle_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on  a prompt; Robert gets jealous seeing Andy and Aaron hanging out and thinks the worst. It leads to him facing up to a few things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's the guilt talking

Robert was walking to his car when he first spotted them. They were talking outside the pub; laughing at something and smiling. Robert felt a twinge in his chest at the sight of Aaron looking so relaxed, something he hadn't seen in a long time. The next time was when he walked into the pub; they were sitting in the corner chatting to each other and Robert stopped, his face burning at the sight of his lover and his brother so deep in conversation. He sat at the bar; his attention constantly dragged back to the two men in the corner. He saw Andy squeeze Aaron's arm and stand up, walking from the pub and throwing Robert a dirty look as he went. Aaron drained his beer and glanced up, meeting Roberts eye then looking away quickly. He stood up suddenly,  
"Wait for me mate."  
He smiled and followed Andy from the pub. Robert stared into his pint before pushing away from the bar and heading to the bathroom. He stood in front of the sink; gripping the porcelain and staring at his reflection. He turned the tap on and splashed his burning face with water. He caught his reflection again and wiped his face before leaving.

Robert jerked awake; his dreams filled with images of Andy and Aaron, driving him mad. He'd barely slept since first seeing them together; his stomach twisting every time he thought about it. He hated the feeling. Hated the way it made him feel. Not only the hatred of seeing Aaron happy around someone else but the regret that cursed through him as he realised it wasn't him. He climbed from the bed and tried to clear his mind. He had to talk to him; as hard as it would be considering they both hated him. He pushed his hands through his hair and dressed; pocketing his phone and keys and heading out. 

"Aaron?"  
He walked into the porta cabin and found Aaron at the desk,  
"What do you want?"  
Robert closed the door,  
"Can we talk?"  
Aaron sighed and leant back in the chair,  
"What?"  
Robert glanced around,  
"We alone?"  
Aaron looked at him,  
"No I'm in the middle of a meeting. Please say hi to all the people."  
He gestured behind Robert who sighed,  
"Aaron..."  
Aaron smirked and folded his arms,  
"So what do you want?"  
Robert rubbed his face,  
"What's going on between you and Andy?"  
Aaron frowned,  
"You what?"  
Robert looked at him,  
"You trying to sleep with him too? Trying to ruin his life as well? Or are you gonna tell him? Because you're in this shit as much as I am."  
Aaron scoffed and shook his head,  
"Wow. You are...unbelievable. Really. Really unbelievable."  
Robert frowned,  
"You're the one that's suddenly his best friend what did you think I was gonna think?"  
Aaron shook his head,  
"Get out Robert."  
"No. Not until you tell me what's going on."  
Aaron glared at him and stood up suddenly,  
"What are you suggesting here? Hmm? You think I'm gonna screw him? Think I can't control myself? I'm so desperate to be close to you that I'll fuck your brother?"  
Robert straightened,  
"Did you? I mean I'm not surprised, not exactly picky are you? Drop your trousers for anyone."  
Aaron grabbed his shirt and slammed him back against the door,  
"I had to have problems considering I touched you."  
Robert pushed him back,  
"And now you're on my brother? I don't want you so you move on to the next one? Got a thing for straight men do you?"  
Aaron pushed him back against the door,  
"You ever consider that I might wanna be his friend? That maybe I wanna make things better considering I was part of the reason his wife died? You ever think that maybe- just maybe- I'm trying to make things a little better after you MURDERED HIS WIFE?"  
Robert laughed,  
"I'm supposed to believe that suddenly you wanna make it better? After all this time? No. No you're doing this because you know it'll hurt me."  
Aaron slammed him against the door,  
"You're so goddamn arrogant. You know that? I couldn't care less if I NEVER see you again."  
He pulled him round and pushed him toward the desks before pulling the door open,  
"Where are you going?"  
Aaron didn't even turn his head as he stormed out,  
"The FUCK away from you."  
The door slammed shut and Robert rubbed his face before kicking the chair away and cursing for how badly he'd reacted,  
"Shit."

 

Aaron drained his beer and slammed the bottle down. He rubbed his face and put his head in his hands. Robert had been on his mind all afternoon; making work impossible. The words that he'd said had hurt him but it was no worse than the things he'd said to him before.   
"You alright mate?"  
Aaron looked up at Andy and smiled gently,  
"Yeah...long day."  
Andy leant against the bar,  
"Can I help?"  
Aaron looked at him; swallowing the solid lump of guilt that had taken permanent residence in his throat,  
"Only if you can stop clients from being idiots."  
Andy laughed,  
"Don't think I can. Can get you a beer though."  
Aaron held his hand up,  
"I'm fine. Probably not a good idea it drink more in this mood."  
Andy clapped his back,  
"Wanna join us?"  
Aaron glanced around at the table where Andy was sitting and shook his head,  
"You go back to your friends. I'll be fine."  
Andy nodded and ordered another beer before heading back. Aaron sighed again and started fiddling with the label on his bottle. His phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and sighed heavily as he saw the message from Robert,

R- I'm sorry for earlier. Can we talk?

Aaron stared at the words before replying.

A- where?  
R- come to the scrap yard? I'll be there in ten  
A- fine.

He pocketed the phone and headed out; mentally preparing himself for another argument as he went.

He took a breath before opening the door. Robert was sitting on the edge of the desk staring at his hands.  
"Well?"  
Robert looked up and stood straight,  
"Thanks for coming."  
Aaron shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged,  
"You wanted to talk?"  
Robert nodded and glanced around,  
"I'm sorry."  
Aaron looked at him,  
"What for?"  
Robert rubbed his own arm,  
"Everything. But...I over reacted. I shouldn't have said what I did to you."  
Aaron scoffed,  
"No you shouldn't."  
He looked at Robert,  
"I'm not trying to sleep my way through your family. Surprisingly enough I'm not really in the mood to sleep with anyone right now. Especially not the man who's life we pretty much wrecked. I just wanted to make things a little better, some people do that you know, they try and give a little comfort to people."  
Aaron rubbed his face then pointed at Robert,  
"You should be doing this. You. He's your brother and you should be trying every moment of every day to make his life easier. To make his life better."  
He let out a laugh,  
"I'm not trying to sleep with your brother. I'm doing this so I can sleep at night. But you don't care about that do you? Because you don't feel guilt, or remorse. You feel nothing. You don't do anything to make this better because you're so obsessed with keeping this little bubble of lies intact. You're so up your own arse that you don't even notice your own family struggling.  
"I know. Okay? I know. I should be doing more but how can I? He hates me. He won't even speak to me."  
Aaron shrugged,  
"Not my problem."  
Robert sighed,  
"No. No it's not. You're right. It's my problem."  
Aaron folded his arms and looked away. Robert swallowed hard,  
"Aaron...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting you in this position and..."  
He rubbed his face, not wanting to admit it to himself let alone to Aaron,  
"I was jealous. Okay?"  
Aaron looked back at him and frowned,  
"What?"  
Robert shrugged and leant back against the desk,  
"I saw you two together and you were laughing...happy."  
Aaron scoffed again and Robert sighed,  
"It made me realise that...it should have been me. I should have been the one making you smile. Making you laugh. It should've always been me."  
Aaron looked at him,  
"I don't believe a damn word you say. You weren't jealous because someone else made me smile. You were annoyed because the two people who don't give a shit about you were talking. Because I hold something over you and you don't like it. It's not because you care."  
Robert looked at him in shock,  
"I do care Aaron. That's the problem. I care. I care about you- I love you."  
"Bullshit."  
Robert looked away and Aaron shook his head,  
"The only reason you're even here is because Chrissie said no. I'm not gonna start thinking it's because you actually want me. Okay? You don't love me. I'm not gonna start kidding myself now."  
Hearing the pain in Aaron's voice made him look up at him and start moving closer to him,  
"No...no Aaron I love you. You know I love you. I don't...I don't want her. I thought I did...I thought it was all I wanted but it's not. And I fucked up. I fucked up and I lost you."  
Aaron pushed him back hard,  
"YOU TRIED TO KILL ME. YOU TRIED TO KILL PADDY. YOU DIDN'T LOSE ME YOU BROKE ME."  
Robert shook his head again,  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."  
Aaron wiped his face,  
"God damn it Robert."  
Roberts chin wobbled and he looked away,  
"Just tell me how to make it better. Please. Please just tell me what to do."  
Aaron put his hands on his hips,  
"I can't...I can't believe you. I don't believe you."  
Robert sniffed; sending a tear down his cheek. Aaron looked at him and scoffed,  
"Don't turn on the waterworks alright? They won't work with me. You're in this because of yourself. A few tears aren't gonna make me change my mind."  
Aaron turned to leave only to be stopped,  
"Please. Please- I'll do anything. I need you....you're the only one that understands."  
Aaron yanked his arm back,  
"Who's fault is that?"  
Robert pushed his hands through his hair,  
"IT'S MINE. IT'S ALL MY FAULT. I FUCKED IT UP. I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP."  
Aaron started at the yelling and looked away. Robert came closer and held his hands out,  
"Please don't say I can't make this better. Please."  
Aaron pushed him back again,  
"Why can't you stop? Why do you have to torment me again and again? I'm not here to make you feel better when your wife doesn't want you. Why can't you leave me alone?"  
Robert shook his head again,  
"I can't stop loving you Aaron. I can't stop. I need you."  
He pounded his chest,  
"I need you to make this stop. This stupid hole inside me that you fix. Every time you fix it. I need you to make me better."  
His knees buckled and he fell to the floor; head in his hands as he sobbed. Aaron watched him; his own eyes blurring before spilling tears down his cheeks. Robert wiped his nose and sniffed,  
"I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't want to be this person."  
Aaron looked up at the ceiling and tried to stop his tears. He took a few deep breaths and looked at Robert,  
"You don't...need...me."  
Robert looked up at him,  
"I love you."  
Aaron rubbed his head and turned away before looking back,  
"I love you too."  
Robert opened his mouth and Aaron sniffed,  
"But I don't trust you. I don't know...you. And I sure as hell don't like you."  
Robert dropped his head and Aaron wiped his eyes,  
"I'm sorry."  
Aaron gasped the words out and left the porta-cabin; Robert put his head in his hands again and sobbed.

"You alright mate? Haven't seen you in a while. Not avoiding me are you?"  
Aaron looked at Andy,  
"No...no course not. Sorry. Been busy at work and...sorry."  
Andy laughed,  
"I'm only messing. You fancy a drink later?"  
Aaron nodded,  
"Sure. I'll be home about six."  
"Cool. See you later."  
Aaron smiled as Andy walked off then took a deep breath. He turned and saw Robert leaving the cafe. The two men looked at each other for a moment then carried on walking. It had been nearly two weeks since the porta-cabin and they hadn't spoken once. Aaron disappeared around the corner and Robert walked to his car. He sat in the driver seat and stared down at his coffee. He didn't even want it; he just wanted to be somewhere where Aaron would more than likely turn up. He climbed from the car again and threw the cup away before returning to his seat. He rubbed his face and sighed heavily. He watched as Andy headed back to his house and climbed from the car to follow him,  
"Andy?"  
The man turned around and frowned,  
"Get lost."  
"Andy just let me talk to you. Please? Two minutes."  
Andy sighed,  
"Fine."  
Robert nodded,  
"Thanks."  
Andy looked him up and down before walking into the house.

"I'm sorry."  
Andy looked at him,  
"Yeah you've said that. Don't make a difference though does it?"  
Robert sighed,  
"I'm trying to make this better, I don't want us to fight anymore."  
Andy stared at him,  
"We're not fighting. You have to care to fight and I don't care about you."  
Robert winced slightly,  
"Don't...don't say that. Not after everything."  
Andy scoffed,  
"After everything? What? You making me fall out with my wife before she died? Making me nearly leave her? That everything?"  
Robert looked at him,  
"I didn't make you fall out, Andy she was obsessed-"  
"She was right! She was right about you all along and you made her look crazy!"  
Robert rubbed his face,  
"I-it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that. I had to get her off the scent, I couldn't let anyone find out. It wasn't even any of her business!"  
Andy shook his head,  
"You took the last days of her life from me because you wanted to hide your dirty little secret."  
He looked at Robert and sneered,  
"Why someone like Aaron would still want you is beyond me."  
Roberts head snapped up,  
"What?"  
Andy frowned,  
"Don't act like it's such a secret."  
Robert rubbed his face,  
"Andy I'm sorry I made you two fall out. Okay? I'm sorry. I can't take that back. But I don't want to lose you over this."  
Andy looked away and sat down,  
"You know Aaron's been on at me to forgive you? Been saying how you're a good guy deep down. How we'll regret it if we never make up."  
Robert looked at him and Andy shook his head,  
" I can't forgive you for taking that time away from me, you lied to everyone and you made everyone turn against her."  
Robert nodded and Andy sighed,  
"I'm not gonna fight with you anymore. We can be civil. That's all. For now."  
Robert smiled in relief,  
"Yeah?"  
Andy stepped back,  
"It's not fine between us. It's not."  
Robert held his hands up,  
"I know. I know and I'll keep out of your way if that's what you want...thank you."  
Andy nodded,  
"Yeah...."  
He looked at Robert,  
"You can go."  
Robert nodded,  
"Yeah...yeah thank you."  
Robert left; pausing outside the front door to smile at himself as he thought about what Aaron has supposedly said. He took a breath and headed back to his car.

Aaron sat in his room and spun the phone over and over in his hand. Robert had been on his mind constantly and after talking to Andy and finding out Robert had tried making it up to him it had been even worse. He groaned and dropped his head back against the bed. He felt exhausted; spending every moment of every day fighting against the urge to call him was starting to get to him.   
He rubbed his face and climbed to his feet; pacing up and down the room before stopping. He took a few breaths and grabbed his hoodie before leaving the room. 

"You want a beer love?"  
Aaron looked back at Chas and stopped,  
"Uh...no, no I'm headed out."  
Chas smiled,  
"Oh yeah?"  
Aaron zipped his hoodie up,  
"Yeah. See ya later."  
He headed out before any other questions could be asked and paused outside the pub. He tried to clear his mind and pulled the phone out; dialling the number he knew so well. It answered on the second ring,  
"Aaron?"  
Aaron closed his eyes,  
"Can I see you?"  
There was a shuffling on the phone and Aaron held his breath,  
"Are you okay?"  
Aaron nodded,  
"Yeah...yeah can I just...are you free?"  
"Yeah of course. Where are you?"  
Aaron cleared his throat,  
"I'm outside the pub."  
"I'm at the B&B. You wanna come up?"  
Aaron shook his head,  
"No...no too close...come to the scrap yard?"  
"Sure. I'll be there in like 10 minutes?"  
"Yeah. Yeah."  
He hung up and rubbed his face again. He looked around and pulled his hood up before heading toward the scrap yard. 

Robert opened the door and looked around; Aaron was sitting at the desk staring into space and he looked up when the door closed,  
"Hi."  
Robert had to clear his throat before speaking,  
"You okay?"  
Aaron looked at him; hating himself for noticing how good he looked.  
"You uh...you talked to Andy?"  
Robert leant against the door,  
"So did you it seems."  
Aaron looked away and Robert looked down at his hands. Aaron looked at him,  
"You meant it?"  
"Meant what?"  
Robert looked up slowly and Aaron chewed his lip,  
"That you don't want her? That you want me?"  
Robert nodded,  
"Yeah."  
He shrugged slightly and looked down,  
"Did you mean it? That you want me back?"  
Aaron shrugged,  
"Dunno. Say a lot when I'm drunk."  
He sat back in the chair and rubbed his face,  
"If Chrissie tells you tomorrow that she wants you back-"  
"I'll say no. I know how selfish I've been. How I threw away the one meaningful relationship in my life."  
Aaron nodded and looked down,  
"I don't trust you. You're gonna have to work on that."  
Robert stood straight,  
"I-I will. I'll make you see that I can be good...we can be good."  
Aaron scoffed and rubbed his mouth,  
"I'm not a secret. I'm not a dirty little affair that you keep to yourself anymore do you hear me?"  
He sighed and stood up,  
"If you need time to deal with...whatever. Then that's fine. But you're not keeping me quiet. If you want me then you have me. Just me. You go to everyone and you tell them that we're together."  
Robert nodded; not quite able to believe what he was hearing.  
"You'd be willing to give me another chance?"  
Aaron looked at him,  
"I'm willing to stop hating you. Because shocking as this might be I don't exactly enjoy it. I'm tired."  
Robert was scared to speak and twisted his hands together. Aaron swallowed,  
"Hating you is exhausting...I have tried-"  
He wiped his eyes angrily,  
"You've hurt me over and over and I have tried....I can't do it anymore."  
He took a shaky breath,  
"I'm not saying we're okay."  
Robert nodded and stepped closer,  
"You have so much to make up for-"  
"I will. I will I promise."  
Aaron put his hand out and stopped Robert,  
"I'm serious. You really mean this then you need to make me trust you. Because right now I don't. I don't trust that you won't go running back to her. I won't trust that you won't hurt me."  
Robert shook his head,  
"I won't. I won't I swear to you. Just tell me what to do. How to start making it up."  
Aaron looked down,  
"You can start by taking the ring off."  
Robert pulled the ring from his finger and pressed it into Aaron's hand,  
"Here."  
Aaron looked down at the metal in his hand and nodded,  
"What next?"  
Aaron swallowed,  
"Tell them you love me. Stop telling them I was a mistake."  
Robert nodded again,  
"I will. We can go to the pub I'll tell everyone."  
Aaron looked at him and nodded again.  
"Kiss me."  
Robert raised his eyebrows,  
"Yeah?"  
Aaron put his hand out again,  
"Only if you're absolutely serious about us. If you're gonna ditch me again after tonight then don't bother. But if you-"  
Robert cut him off by kissing him; holding the back of his head and trapping the hand holding the ring between them. He kissed him gently and pulled away,  
"You were never a mistake. And I am so sorry."  
Aaron met his eye,  
"I'm never gonna be able to give you up am I?"  
Robert shook his head and held Aaron's shoulders before moving his hands back up to cup his face,  
"I really do love you."  
Aaron nodded and pulled his arm free so he could grip Roberts hips,  
"Yeah..."  
He closed his eyes and Robert lifted his head to kiss Aaron's temple then down his cheek and jaw to his lips again,  
"I'm sorry."  
Aaron lifted his arms and put them around Roberts neck to hug him; dropping the ring on the floor with a clatter as he closed his eyes and focused on the feel of the mans hands on his back.

Chas looked up when the door opened; immediately frowning when Robert walked in with Aaron. She glanced over at Paddy as Aaron pushed Robert forward gently. He leant in,  
"Don't worry."  
Robert nodded and took a breath,  
"Can I have everyone's attention? Just for a moment?"  
The pub fell silent and all eyes turned to the terrified Robert. Aaron put a hand on the small of Roberts back,  
"Only if you're sure."  
Robert looked at him and nodded before turning back to the room,  
"I have something I wanna say."


End file.
